I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
