i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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