I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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