you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
