When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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