im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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