you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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