Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
