Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
