so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
