So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
