The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
