I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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