i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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