I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
