Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
