The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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