No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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