A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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