Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
