she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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