She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
