I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
