I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
