Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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