I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
