Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
