Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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