I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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