my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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