Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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