I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize