I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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