Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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