Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
