Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
