I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
