Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
