Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
