dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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