Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
