he wants to bone in the snuggie
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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