Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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