the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
