this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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