How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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