Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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