omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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