I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
