ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
