It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
