Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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