her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I could make wine with my vomit
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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