its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
