i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
