Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
