Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
