Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
