That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
